Football widow seeks replacement husband for the season
Well, college football began tonight. And so begins another season of being married to a zombie-fied husband who can only recite football stats, team profiles, and what each player for every college team eats for breakfast.
My normally perfectly sane, mild-mannered husband turns into a lunatic each football season. I mean, really. Every time he watches a game, he screams so loud I’m just waiting for the police to come and arrest him for disturbing the peace.
We may have had a breakthrough on the football front, though: Jay was just narrating the play-by-play of the first game of the season (it’s still on as I write this) when I informed him that no offense, but I REALLY don’t care. He said that he wasn’t really talking “to” me, more like he’s talking ‘at’ me. So, I convinced him to talk at my already-brainwashed 2-year-old son. Every time football comes on, Gabriel runs to retrive his toy football from his room. He crouches in front of the TV, ball in hand, waiting for the snap. After they hike the ball, Gabriel runs and throws the football at us (boy, that kid has an ARM already!)
So, that’s taken care of one thing. Next, I hope to pawn Jay off on our friend Paul, a fellow crazy Longhorns fan. I’ll make food for him to bring! Just take him off my hands on gameday, please!
Lessons I’ve learned the hard way
Alternate title: … things my mama said but I didn’t listen.
Don’t play russian roulette with your gas tank when you have to be somewhere. It’s better to stop for a minute or two to pump a few gallons of gas than try to make it without stopping and run out. I did this in college once on the way to class. It took me about two hours to get ahold of someone who could come pick me up, drive me to a gas station to get a gas can, bring me back to my car and get on my merry way.
Women who aren’t natural blondes or redheads: don’t forget to bring tweezers with you wherever you go. You never know when you’re going to find a stray hair in some ungodly place on your way to a business meeting. And you just know if you don’t get rid of it, EVERYONE WILL SEE IT and nickname you “Hairy.”
Don’t underpack. On our last vacation, Jay and I had a near-argument about the large amount of clothes I was bringing for a two-day trip to the beach. I think I brought about 4 outfits for every family member. And guess what? Between being sandy and sweaty, we wound up using every single one.
If you’re prone to headaches and/or stomach ailments, take medicine with you wherever you go. There’s nothing like trying to find medicine when you’re out-and-about and come down with a migraine or gastronomical crisis.
Drive like a grandma ( or -pa) when the streets are wet. Go at or under the speed limit, and anticipate having to brake, so you don’t risk having to slam your brakes on and skid. I had several wrecks in the rain and try as I might, I couldn’t stop the car because it slid as soon as I hit the brakes. People really amaze me driving like idiots on wet streets …
Wait 24 hours before sending that nasty email or letter. Once cooler heads have prevailed, you may just re-think the wording!
Back up your irreplacable photos, financial information, and important documents on your computer frequently! I once lost an entire month of my son’s photos when my hard drive went out and it had been a month since I’d backed up. My pictures are priceless to me – I value them more than any of my other possessions. Needless to say, I was crushed.
Keep your mouth shut at work. If you don’t have another job already locked down, don’t reveal your intentions of leaving. I’m not saying to lie, but if you don’t have to volunteer any information to anyone, don’t.
Credit cards are eeeeviiiiiil. Once I can finally pay these off, I’m done with them for good. They try to find every excuse they can find to up your interest rate to an ungodly amount … like making your payments on a Tuesday after 3 pm but not before 4 pm, when the wind is blowing from the east and you’re hopping on one foot.
If you don’t like your doctor or a diagnosis doesn’t “set” well with you, find another doctor. Doctors are not God, and they don’t always know best. If they don’t treat you like an adult and take your concerns seriously, take your business elsewhere!
It’s cheaper to hang on to stuff than to re-buy it. Not sure if you’re having another kid or not? Hang on to your baby stuff until you are! It’s not good to be a pack-rat, but neither is it good to be so eager to sell things that you’re going to need again sometime down the road.
Pumping Gas in Heels
Well, after that sugary email about staying home ‘for the kids,’ I’ve since been kicked in the shins by life (can’t seem to find kids to babysit and I need a job NOW). So, I looked on craigslist for a job yesterday. I found one very close by that was a very good match with my job skills, so I applied.
Well, the manager of the company called me at 10:30 this morning and said that he was very impressed with my resume and wanted to know if we could meet at 3 pm. Not wanting to give away my parental status, I said “yes” without much hesitation.
So, I got off the phone and spent the next several hours running around like my hair was on fire … I had to find a babysitter on three hours’ notice, take a shower, bathe the kids, eat lunch, feed the kids lunch, get their baby bag together, iron my clothes, clean them up after lunch, clean the messy kitchen floor, change their diapers, brush my teeth, dry and style my hair, dress the kids, dress myself, and then leave the house.
Next I went to a gas station in my Nice Interview Suit and sweet-talked the attendant into letting me write a post-dated check for gas, since I was broke and on empty. I hurried back to the car because my kids were in it, reached through the open window and unlocked the driver’s-side door. When I opened it, the alarm went off. Having inherited this van recently from my in-laws, I didn’t know it even had an alarm. So, I hit the “panic” button on the keyring to shut the horn off. I put my keys in the ignition, and the honking started up again and the motor shut itself off. “Perfect!” I’m thinking, now getting all sweaty in said Nice Suit.
I looked around and asked the closest person to me if he knew how to fix it. He shook his head no; I think maybe he didn’t speak English. I then turned to another guy and he didn’t know either. I finally had the brainstorm to look at the owner’s manual, which told me to hit the “unlock” button on my keyring to disarm the alarm.
Well, that little side-trip took me about 15 minutes, so I had to speed all the way to the babysitter’s house and back to get to the job interview on time. Thank God there were no cops around.
Anyway, I think the interview went really well. I’ll keep you informed.
What I want to be when I grow up – Part II
So, I’ve decided to babysit kids in my home as a part-time job. I start watching two this week, and maybe another one soon thereafter. Five kids all together (including mine)? Piece of cake. Well .. ask me again after I’ve actually kept them for a whole day.
I’m still toying with the idea of going to nursing school p/t at night. At least it would give me another career to work towards when the kids are in school.
And that’s what this is all about … I just want to be here until the kids are in school full-time. And that’s 3 1/2 years away, give or take depending on preschool.
The little devil on my shoulder tells me that I’m throwing my current career away. And that may be true … but I just don’t care. Unless I can find another job situation that benefits my kids more than this … it just ain’t happenin’.
Let me back up and give some background here: I worked in the publishing industry for about six years, mostly in editing/writing. When I had my son in 2003, I started working out of my house (for the same company). It was a challenge, but it was workable with one child. After Mikaela was born in 2005, it’s been a different story, though: my dilemma has been that I need to earn money, but childcare for two kids is EXPENSIVE. I mean, $800 on the really low end and $1600 on the higher end.
So, after taking about 9 months off after Mikaela’s birth, I went back to work full-time in my field, working second-shift. I thought it was the perfect answer to our problems – a job that let my husband and I take on most of the childcare responsibilities ourselves (although we did use a babysitter for about 10 hours a week to cover the overlap in our work schedules).
What it ended up meaning is that my husband and I were both stressed because we were both working long hours and then being the kids’ sole childcare provider for all of our other waking hours. My husband and I rarely saw each other. The situation was just so stressful, it just got to the point where it wasn’t worth it. That combined with some personality conflicts at work .. and it just wasn’t working out.
So, this last May I started working out of my home doing freelance web design and marketing. Yes, I’m crazy. No, it didn’t work. No, I don’t know why I thought I could swing working at home while caring for TWO toddlers.
So, now I’ve decided to try the childcare-in-my-home route. It pays very little, but hey, I’ll be with my kids, and that’s worth much more than having a new car, or a house, or even nice clothes. It’s a season of my life … and as much as it hurts one part of me to step away from my career path, I’m embarking on something that feels a lot more important and significant in terms of the big picture. (So, then why don’t people value childcare providers more?)
:(
We just fixed the only sweet thing that we could concoct from our household ’sweet’ ingredients: chex mix, coconut flakes and chocolate (melted).
We stirred the melted chocolate and poured it onto the cereal/coconut mixture, to find that half the spatula melted into the hot chocolate. Upon closer inspection, the spatula says “not heat resistant” on the handle. NOT HEAT RESISTANT? Who makes a #@(*#* spatula that isn’t heat resistant?!?!
So, now we have nothing left in the house that is sweet. Boo hoo, what a tragedy. I think I’ll go pout now.
Accident waiting for a place to happen
Well, I did it again. I ran over my OWN toe with my rolling desk chair. I think my toenail is going to fall off. At least I didn’t swear in front of the kids … just managed a muffled, “mmmmmaaaagggghhh!”
Yep, that’s right. Not only did I run over my toe with my own chair, it’s not the first time I’ve done it. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know.
I think the main reason that I have problems like this is that a lot of times when I’m doing something physically, I am not paying attention to what I’m currently doing, I’m already looking at what I’m doing next. Someone once told me that it’s a sign of ADD … don’t know if that’s true or not.
I guess I need to slow down and focus.
What I want to be when I grow up
I was one of the really fortunate (blessed, really) ones: I got a great job while I was still in college, working for a company in the exact field I was going into – journalism. It was a great, family-friendly company, and I developed close relationships with many of my co-workers. Morale was great (at least when I started); the employees really believed in the company and its mission.
I spent five years there. What a first “real” job, huh?
Needless to say, it’s been hard finding the perfect second ”career” job after the bar’s been set so high. I know that I am a valuable asset to a company, and I’m holding out not only for the right money, but for the right position.
But after months of that, you start to question yourself, your motives, and your career choices. I’ve started wondering if I need to go back to school and get my nursing degree – there’s always a need for nurses.
I’ve been freelancing for a few months now, while simultaneously being a stay-at-home mom, and let me tell you, it’s darn near impossible to be productive with two toddlers running amok.
So, here I sit, in limbo again. Actually, I made a decision today to stop worrying about it and let God handle it. (I’ve applied to plenty of jobs, and there’s nothing else I can really do at this point.) He hasn’t let me starve to death yet (not even close), and I don’t reckon He’s going to start anytime soon. So, why do I worry like He might have forgotten me, or fallen asleep or something?
Actually, I think I had an epiphany today. I think the problem I’ve had the last couple of years lies in my focusing on the problem and not on the Answer.
Sesame Street Article
To anyone who thinks Sesame Street was better “back in the day,” this is hysterical:
I probably wouldn’t have liked your CDs, either.
Someone got into my van last night and rifled through my CDs. We must have forgotton to lock it, since there are no signs of forced entry.
Anyway, there are CDs scattered about the floorboard, but nothing appeared to be missing. Guess they didn’t want Fiona Apple or Soundgarden or Coldplay or Snow Patrol.
I probably wouldn’t have liked any of their CDs, either. 
Punk.
Finally, a little respect!
This morning, I walked into my kids’ room after I realized it had been quiet for a couple of minutes (that always spells trouble).
The kids had pulled all the diapers out of the drawer where they’re kept – which both kids know is a no-no.
I walked into the room and surveyed the mess and stood there with my hand on my hip, not saying a word. Both kids saw me, scrambled to put the diapers back where they belonged, and shut the drawer. Then, they stood there with a “what diapers?” look on their faces.
It’s kind of the same concept of speeding past a cop – at least have enough respect for him (or for not wanting a ticket) to SLOW DOWN.
So, today, I feel like we’ve reached a major milestone: the kids realizing that my ‘look’ means ”Uh-Oh, Mom Means Business And We’d Better Straighten Up.”
Funny, there’s no line for that in their baby books.
Hot Hot Heat
It was 104 here today. You can talk all you want to about dry heat, but that’s HOT.
I just went outside to water our plant and it’s still very warm … I’d say probably 90 degrees. When I started watering the plant, a bullfrog hopped out of the planter. Guess he was trying to stay cool in there. You’d think he would’ve stuck around for a nice, cool shower.
What kind of a kid doesn’t like ice cream?
My son, apparently.
We went out to Maggie Moo’s tonight for a splurge, something we don’t do often. I was excited at the outing … my son’s first trip to an ice-cream parlor! I envisioned him returning home, covered in sticky, but happy and with a full belly.
Instead, when we offered him a spoonful, he whined as if we were trying to get him eat broccoli. We made several more attempts, to no avail.
Now I KNOW he was switched at birth. Oh, well… more for me. 
America’s Got Talent?
I haven’t really been following the “America’s Got Talent” show on NBC, but I’ve seen enough to catch Taylor Ware, yodeling sensation out of Franklin, TN (where we lived before we moved here last year).
Taylor has been featured in local Nashville-area commercials, and when they came on the air, I always dove for the remote. Taylor may be pretty, and she may be talented, but I equate yodeling with torture. It sounds like a wounded animal. Actually, I’m pretty sure they have yodeling in hell.
So, sorry, Taylor. Bianca’s got my vote.
Come on, rain!
What is UP with this lack of rain in the Austin area? I mean, we all like sunny skies, but when everything is dry and brown, we could stand a little rain.
I really miss thunderstorms. We haven’t had a good one in ages.
When we first moved to this area, we lived for a while with my husband’s family in their modular home out in the country. Modular homes (some people call them mobile homes or manufactured homes or pre-fab homes) don’t get along with strong winds. I am a big weenie about tornadoes. I love storms, but I am terrified of tornadoes.
So, when we were living with Jay’s folks, we seemed to get a lot of extremely severe thunderstorms and tornado warnings. So, every time I saw a bad storm coming on the radar, I packed the kids up in the car and headed to Wal-Mart. Yep, Wal-mart was my tornado shelter. How white-trash am I?
My husband tolerated my insanity, thankfully. He doesn’t usually cross me when I’m crazed … and feeling like my babies are potentially in danger turns me into a crazy woman.
So, now that we’re in a place of our own with a permanent foundation, at least we don’t have to leave the house when bad weather is on the horizon.
Confessions of a lazy housekeeper
When you open my refrigerator, a wall of stink hits you like a ton of bricks. If you search the depths of my pantry, you’d almost surely find something moldy. And please, please, don’t look too close at any of the surfaces in my home – they’re covered in dust.
Geez, what happened to me? Oh, yeah… I had two kids in 1 1/2 years and stopped caring if my house was spotless. I’ll settle for “not disgusting.”
My husband, on the other hand, is very neat and gets highly preturbed by a messy house. But, I just have no energy when it comes to housework. I don’t know if it’s my eating habits or having two small kids, but I just can’t seem to channel my inner “Suzy Homemaker.” So, lots of times, he winds up doing the cleaning himself. God bless him, that’s all I have to say.
I can’t wait until my kids grow up a bit so I can assign the housework to THEM. They’re usually why it’s messy anyway.
A man worthy of honor
I’m always bugged when I see the commercials who paint men as a stupid, inept lot who are good for not much more than breeding and working. I am all for women being treated fairly by their husbands, in the workplace, and in society in general. But when did the feminist movement get to this point – where women are portrayed as superior beings and men are slobbering idiots? I’m not buying it.
My husband is why. He may be your above-average man, but he’s definitely doing more than his share to debunk any of these useless-male stereotypes.
So, today, I wanted to write an open letter honoring my husband for who he is and what he means to me. He’s by no means perfect (who is?), but he’s worthy of being recognized nonetheless.
To Jay:
I want to thank you for everything you are to me and our family. Thank you first of all for praying for our family and for being what I’m sure Christ envisioned a husband should be to a family – a spiritual leader, as well as a patient and loving husband and father.
Thank you for standing by me through sickness, depression and general hard times. You always know how to lift me up when I’m down.
Thank you for being such an amazing father. Not only do you get down on the floor and play with them, you aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty and change diapers, give baths, feed them, and whatever else you see that needs doing. Actually, you do a whole lot for the kids … and I thank you so much for that.
Many men work countless hours at their jobs to achieve what the world would label “success.” But you have already TRULY reached success at what really matters in life. We may have our differences, but I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
Love,
Mel
This low-fat, low-calorie yogurt tastes like …
… exactly what you’d expect a low-calorie, low-fat yogurt to taste like. Terrible.
I’m eating Weight Watchers’ Blueberry yogurt. Actually, “blueberry” is kind of a misnomer, since there are no whole blueberries to be found, just tiny specks that I’m assuming are of blueberry origin.
Sigh. So, how long do I have to eat this crap before I’m skinny?
To supermom: you ain’t all that, honey.
My family and I went to IHOP the other morning. We sat down in our booth, with Gabriel in a booster seat and Mikaela in a high chair. We were sitting diagonally across from two parents with their very well-dressed, well-behaved child.
To be friendly (I suppose), Mikaela leaned her little body far out of the high chair and squealed at the boy. He barely turned his head to look at her, while the mother shot me a disapproving glance. Read the rest of this entry »
Can’t get a decent night’s sleep
My daughter is a spitfire – a little ball of spunk who causes people’s eyes to widen in surprise when they hear how LOUD she can be. And I mean LOUD.
Bedtime is no different. When she’s not ready to go to bed, she lets us know that she’s not happy. Jay and I have gotten good at tuning it out, but Gabriel shares a room with her and has a little bit of a harder time with that.
So, when she starts making a lot of noise at bedtime, Gabriel gets out of his bed, grabs his pillow, blanket and two stuffed animals that he sleeps with, walks down the hall, opens our door, and climbs up in our bed – all without a word. It just strikes me funny, especially to see the annoyed, sleepy look on his face as he walks from his room to ours.
I can’t wait to get a bigger place so they can each have their own room!
Sand, sun and seagulls
We just got back from a short jaunt to Port Aransas, TX. Port Aransas is on Mustang Island, across the Aransas Bay from the Texas “mainland.” Several boats ferry cars across to the island.
So, I’d been thinking recently that the kids would enjoy a trip to the beach. I’m still not sure they enjoyed it, but it sure was a hoot. Read the rest of this entry »
what a day
Today was really great. We started out taking the kids to a kiddie play center and wound up driving to another city – Marble Falls - spontaneously. We ate at the FABULOUS Bluebonnet Cafe while we were there. Reminds me of the southern cookin’ I grew up on, and the pies they serve are to DIE for – truly just like my grandmother used to make.
Anyway, after our jaunt to Marble Falls, we drove back towards home and stopped at Jay’s parents’ house on the way home. They live in the country and it’s so beautiful to visit, but I don’t think I could live there. Too many critters and rednecks. But I digress.
The area they live in is absolutely beautiful. It was a cool afternoon (it cooled off into the 80s after it rained), so I took the kids and bounced on the trampoline out behind their grandparents’ house. They giggled the whole time and cried when we left.
On our drive back home, the sun was setting and the clouds were painting pink, feathery pictures across the sky. Oh, the halcyon days of late summer …
Round Rock Premium Outlets – a mom’s review
I recently took the kids to the brand-new Round Rock Premium Outlet mall north of Austin in Round Rock. It’s an open-air mall: the shops are all lined up like in a regular mall, but the walkways between the stores are open. Of course, the stores are enclosed, and each store is seperate. There are some walkways that are covered, but not all of them. So, if it looks like rain, bring an umbrella!
Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised, especially by the variety of kids’ stores. Here’s a description of the kids stores: Read the rest of this entry »
No, you’re not that important
Why is it that there’s always those drivers that recklessly weave in and out of traffic at a high rate of speed just so they can gain an advantage? What are they saying, ”Oh, goody! I got to the red light first!” ? Read the rest of this entry »
Aaaah… nostalgia
Yep, I’m an 80’s kid. Well, I was born in 1978, but most of my fondest childhood memories are from the 80s, let’s just put it that way. Ah, yes, playing with my Shrinky-Dinks and Pogo Ball … eating Jello gelatin pops and Marshmallow Rice Krispies … the multi-colored shoelaces … the flourescent ’day-glo’ clothing (eeek!)
I do have one thing to say: if the older generations wonder why our generation is so “weird,” they may want to remember the kind of TV programs our little minds were filled with back then. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Seriously, I’m a big fan of all things retro, including classic 80s kids TV programs. You can find a lot of 80s show clips on YouTube, but I’d give some serious $$ for full-length videos of some of these programs.
Here’s a list of some of the shows (click on them for links to video clips) I watched as a kid. I guess that explains a lot. I’ll add to the list as I find more.
Sesame Street Retro Pinball Counting Video 1-12
Sesame Street Aliens yep, yep, yep, yep, uh-huh, uh-huh …
Mr. Wizard’s World Intro (theme song)
3-2-1 Contact Intro (theme song)
Square One PBS show Intro (theme song)
Out of Control (with Dave Coulier) show Intro (theme song)
You Can’t Do That On Television Intro (theme song)
Kids Incorporated Intro (theme song)
Small Wonder Intro (theme song)
Today’s Special Intro (theme song)
The Adventures of the Little Koala Intro (theme song)
The Mysterious Cities of Gold Intro (theme song)
Try again
Well, I fell off the diet wagon entirely the last few days. Or, maybe it’s been more like the last two weeks…
Anyway, I went to the doctor today for a physical, and I need to lose weight and lots of it (she says as she drinks her dr pepper and eats her pepperidge farm cookies). I told the doctor I’d tried south beach, but she said to try weight watchers, since it’s the only diet that’s ever been scientifically proven to take weight off and keep it off.
Oh, it would just be so much easier if I could buy some willpower.
Language barrier
Yesterday I walked into an Exxon to buy a soda and made small talk with the Indian (dot not feather) man behind the counter. I wiped my brow and remarked on how hot it’s been. He nodded enthusiastically and said “yeah!”
A moment later, he said “It’s hot outside!”
Babytalk
My kids are learning more each new day. It’s so much fun to watch their little minds filling up with new information… and to hear the new words they say and the new connections they make.
A couple of days ago, Jay was cooking in the kitchen when Mikalea tried to come in. Jay tried to shove her back out the kitchen-gate-door so she wouldn’t get near the stove. She pushed him back (mind you, she’s only knee-high) and said “mooozh!” (move)
She was undoubtedly trying to get at the cabinet under the sink, which contains her beloved “bubbiezh” (bubbles).
Gabriel has started saying some new words as well – he’s now pointing out “Ernie” from Sesame Street (“Eenie!”)
Gabriel is also asking for “mo’ geees peee” (more juice, please) – this is major progress for him since it was less than a year ago that he finally said “mama” and “papa” for the first time.
You’d better thank God I don’t know who you are
As many of you who have your own blogs know, there are handy-dandy feed stats that let you track the performance of your blog. These stats also allow you to see what search engine terms that people entered to wind up at your blog. One of the search engine terms that got someone to my page today was “naked child boy.” The term “naked” in my blog came from when I talked about my children removing their diapers and then running from me before I can corner them and put a new one on…. sweet and innocent, which was NOT the intent of the person who entered those search terms.
So, To Mr. Search Term Perv: you’d better get down on your knees and thank God I don’t know who you are. If you ever even looked at my children funny I would do something so unspeakable to you, you would pray for death. I would make Abu-Ghraib look like Six Flags. You are a cancer in society and will one day be cut out. At the end of your worthless life, you will be shocked to find yourself standing before the Almighty God to answer for your sins, before being sentenced to an eternity of torment.
Have a nice day!
