Love letter from a savior
Years ago, when Jay and I were living with his sister and brother-in-law in their apartment in Franklin, TN, I was growing very discontent. I was so tired of being so broke all the time. We applied for more jobs than you could count – and we did have jobs already, but they didn’t pay very well. I cried out to God, asking Him to speak to me clearly. I asked Him, specifically, to “draw me a picture” since I often have such a hard time knowing for sure if I’ve heard from Him or not. Over the next few days I found a certain Bible passage everywhere I looked – Jeremiah 29:11-13:
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I mean, that verse was EVERYWHERE. I saw it on bumper stickers, hanging on my sister-in-law’s fridge, I opened my Bible right to it, my sister emailed it to me … again and again and again, I saw the same passage. Way too many times to be a coincidence.
Fast forward to today. I still see this verse often. But we are still struggling and I’ve gotten really frustrated again. I’ve grown tired of waiting for Jay’s employer to pay him what I think he deserves (and what we need to make ends meet). So instead of staying at home with the kids where I really want to be, I’ve decided to follow my ’second’ dream – a nursing career.
I started taking classes this summer and have been working like a mad woman, earning A’s in all of my classes.
I’ve been really frustrated over the timing of getting my nursing degree, though. I finished my last pre-requisite for my current college’s nursing program in July, just after the cut-off for applying for this year’s nursing program. I tried to convince them to admit me, but they refused. I missed it by just a few weeks and just one class. The next opportunity to enter their nursing program won’t be until fall of 2010.
I was also looking at Texas Tech and the University of Texas as nursing schools. Texas Tech had told me earlier this year I could take pathophysiology after I entered their nursing program; when I talked to the director of Tech’s nursing program on the phone yesterday, she said that was not true – I have to have this class before applying. The application process runs from September to November; there’s no way I can take Pathophysiology before then. So, I found out yesterday Tech was out (for this year, anyway).
And UT’s alternate-entry master’s of science in nursing program – I was really interested in that, even moreso than the other schools. It’s a 3-year program, but I would graduate with a much better degree. Up until this last week or so, their web site said that you could work on your prerequisites until the time you actually started their program (next summer); when I went to their Web site yesterday, this had been changed. Now they want you to have all of your prereq’s by Jan. 5th.
As I read this final bit of bad news yesterday, I almost broke down and cried. And I am NOT a crier. WHY do I keep getting so close and then not making it? I am not getting any younger, and we have more bills than we do income, and I just want to hurry up and get my degree! This means I have to wait another year to even begin a 2- or 3-year program. I’ll be at least 34 when I graduate. And more importantly, that could mean 3-4 more years of living hand-to-mouth. It’s just more than I can handle. I’ve been working SO hard on my studies, and this just felt like a slap in the face.
So, I grumped around all last night and into today. I prayed and asked God what in the world He was trying to tell me, and said, “I really need to hear from you! (please)”
I sat down at the computer and brought this devotion up:
DEVOTION
Blessed Beings
By Gene Markland
CBN Staff Writer
CBN.com -- Move, get, go, and do! Life can be like a drill sergeant screaming in your ear. “Alright (insert your name here), go, go, go!” A man once said, “We’re human beings, not human doings.” So often we find ourselves in a never-ending frustrating rut of doing. We forget the importance of just being whom we are, the unique individual made by God. He made us first and foremost to be, not to do.
Jesus said, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48 KJV).
We struggle to do things in order to get what we want in life. We push ourselves to do anything in order to please God, when what He really wants is not so much what we do for Him, but what we are to Him. One of the greatest lessons Lord Jesus ever taught me was just to be. This is more important to Him than anything I’ll ever do for Him.
I asked Him to sanctify me by His blood, to plunge the depths of my inner being, and clean the deep recesses of my spirit, soul, and body. Though I had the assurance of my salvation, He showed me that my soul, like a room swept clean, still had some cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling. The Holy Spirit, who searches the deep things, shone a light in those dark corners exposing some lingering stuff. With the broom of the Holy Spirit we dealt with them and I became a clean pot, a vessel fit for the Lord’s use.
I learned to focus my efforts on being a clean pot, and then He could use me and perform the “doing” through me. I’m the being and He’s the doing. I knew a man who was constantly striving to push himself on people. He went overboard trying to impress the ladies. His focus was doing his best, not being his best. Ultimately he would push them away. The lesson he needed to learn was to be the best that you can be, then they will see and not flee.
Sure, it’s good to have goals in life, but do not fail to appreciate and enjoy who you are and what you have right now. Your life here and now is incredibly important! Don’t worry so much about tomorrow. “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34 TM). Tomorrow will take care of itself.
The Apostle Paul said to be content in whatever state you’re in. “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am” (Philippians 4:11-14 TM).
Enjoy the incredible gift that is today. God wonderfully made you. In the Bible, He states that He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. He knows the desire of your heart. He had a part in putting it there. What He began in you He will fulfill. You might not be able to see it right now, but that doesn’t change His word. Be patient and stand. You will see the salvation of the Lord.
Whether you need deliverance from a bad situation or just want your dream of a happy life to come true, remember that our God is the biggest dreamer of all. He dreamed up everything that exists in the universe, including you. He wants His dream for you to come true as much as you do. When we embrace His dreams for us, and submit our dreams to his will, we find the contentment that the Apostle Paul wrote about, and God’s peace that passes understanding. Have faith in God for you are a blessed being.
Handling sibling rivalry
OK, dear readers … I’m up to my eyeballs in sibling rivalry. My kids argue frequently and it’s driving me NUTS.
I know it’s “normal” for kids to argue, but it’s severely disrupting the peace of our household and I’m getting really tired of it. Some (most) arguments start because one of them is trying to boss the other around. Others start when the kids deem a situation to be unfair or inequitable. For instance, a couple of weeks ago Gabriel inherited several boxes of nice toys from my husband’s boss, whose boys had outgrown them. Mikaela threw a fit that Gabriel got new toys. I explained the situation to her – that we didn’t buy them, that someone gave them to us, and she poutily replied, “well, Papa should have bought me some girl toys too.” Land sakes.
Anyway, it’ s getting old. I don’t necessarily want to punish them, I want to teach them how to work out their disagreements without losing my mind. Any insights or book suggestions?
iTunes
I like a fairly wide range of musical styles, including rock, alternative, electronic, blues, jazz, adult alternative, folk and some pop (mostly Britpop). I have Rage Against the Machine moods, John Mayer moods and Massive Attack moods. A sampling of the most recent songs on my iTunes:
Spinnerette: Ghetto Love
Snow Patrol: Shut Your Eyes
The Bravery: Believe
Foo Fighters: Let it Die
… which most of those songs aren’t all that new. They’re just newer than the bulk of my iTunes library, which dates to the late ’90s.
I really made a habit of seeking out good music when I was in college, but lately I just haven’t had the time or money. Well, honestly – it’s been quite a while since I’ve had the time or money! But the desire is still there. I hate most of the drivel on the radio, and alas, my car has a tape deck. I don’t even have a stereo that could make mix tapes anymore, so I’m out of luck until I can upgrade my sound system (currently, a low priority vs. other things).
But I digress … I love music and I love finding great new music. I just wish there wasn’t so much garbage to wade through before you find the gems. I need a personal music consulant. I wonder how much that would set me back? 
Interview with Mikaela
I interviewed the kids today for posterity. Some of their answers were hilarious. Here are Mikaela’s responses to my questions:
Interview with Gabriel
I decided to interview the kids today, to get a snapshot of where they are developmentally and to see what funny things they would say in response to our questions. Here is Gabriel’s interview: Read the rest of this entry »
Product review
Romano’s Macaroni Grill has boxed, you-add-the-meat dinners that you can buy at the grocery store – if you haven’t noticed. I’ve tried the Chicken Marsala and it is ridiculously good. I LOVE it, and I’m a somewhat picky eater.
I’m also a lazy, means-to-an-end cook, and this requires more steps than I’m usually used to, but boy, it’s worth it. Yum!
Bowling!
A couple of weeks ago, our family went to a birthday party for the little girl we used to babysit in the mornings – who is also a neighbor and who attends daycare with my kids. She had her party at a bowling alley, and the adults and kids all got to bowl.
It was the first time our family has done something like that – going somewhere we ALL enjoyed. It was a blast. This is a new era we’re entering into – we can actually go fun places with the kids and enjoy ourselves. Well, if I have to lose their baby sweetness as they get older, at least this is a nice silver lining. My sister told me that there were good and bad things about every phase of childhood – I guess this is a good example of that. 
The Pineapple
My husband’s family has a three-tiered, wooden pineapple serving tray/party tray similar to the one above. It spins like a lazy susan and it has been in the family for years. A few months ago, Jay and I were at a antique store when we happened upon another, very similar one. It was worth the small price they were asking for it, especially since it’s both vintage and imported – not something you see every day.
I know my husband’s family has some interesting stories and memories to share about this piece of family history. Stay tuned and I’ll update as I learn more …
UPDATES:
Jay’s oldest sister, Melanie says:
The family pineapple, as we call it, has adorned many a holiday table setting. Every Christmas I can remember my grandmother putting together the 3 tiers getting ready to fill the bowls with nuts and olives signifying that the annual Christmas Eve party would begin soon.
It’s been passed around from grandmother to mom, to sister, to sister to now me. I’ll admit I have been hording it like a precious family jewel. It’s currently wrapped in a sheet nestled away in my attic waiting for to make its appearance at the next holiday party. Who knew something so silly as a Hawaiian wooden pineapple would stir such warm happy feelings.
Sharon, Jay’s mom says:
My parents owned a paint store that sold Bruning paint. The top Bruning paint sellers were rewarded with free trips, and one year in the 70s they got to go to Hawaii. While they were there, they bought this 3-tiered wooden hors d’oeuvre tray. They brought it back home, where it became a fixture at every Christmas party for 20 years.
Healthcare
Oh, my it’s been long since I’ve blogged about politics. I’ve gotten so jaded, I have just about given up on following politics altogether. It’s hard to avoid the health care issue though.
You know, universal healthcare is a lovely, noble goal. I’d love for everybody everywhere to have health insurance. I’d also love for the world’s hungry to be fed and clothed, for there to be no war or famine … but are any of those things necessarily feasible in real life? Unfortunately, probably not.
This is the thing: I’d love to have every single person covered. But not if it means rationing care for everyone (cutting services) or raising taxes enormously – the only two options when you look at the facts. You can only do so much with a given amount of money. If we want to add millions more to the healthcare rolls, there will be NO other choices than to either raise taxes a lot, or to ration the services. I wish this wasn’t so.
I personally think that we should reform healthcare instead of just giving it totally over to the government’s control. (Because when is the last time you’ve seen the government make something better or do something right? That’s what I thought.) I would expand medicare and medicaid but require that EVERY able body pay a monthly sliding-scale premium based on income but capped at a reasonale amount. I would also extend amnesty to the illegal aliens on the condition that they pay their fair share too.
On the other hand is the drug companies that supply drugs worldwide at a fraction of the cost we pay for drugs here in the U.S. – because we are tacking on research and development costs to our drugs. I say if the world needs our medicine, they should help pay for the R&D as well. That would decrease drug costs here for us at home significantly.
So who’s with me?
But that’s the thing – no one wants to hear a sensible solution. The government is corrupt. Both parties. Don’t make me email you examples of government corruption … I can give you plenty, from both sides of the aisle. So why do we think that they would get into this and not screw it up MASSIVELY? Seriously, people, do you think the government is in this because they care about you? That’s just naive. They want to get their grubby hands on more of your tax dollars. If you can’t see that, then you need to open your eyes up.
So the bottom line is, there absolutely needs to be some common-sense reform. It stinks that people don’t have healthcare. But don’t sign all your freedoms away and get us into an even bigger mess before we try other solutions first.
Summer summary – kids and pets
We now have 4 pets. FOUR. Yes, we are indeed insane.
We’ve had our sweet, lazy Daisy, a long-haired dachshund, for about a year now. She’s become a family member. This spring, we added two gray tabby kittens – buttercup and lilly – to the mix. And just this week, we were given a puppy by my husband’s boss. One of her parents is a mini dachshund, the other is a regular dachshund. But whether she winds up being mini or not, she is short-haired. We named her Violet.
So we have 4 female animals, all named after flowers. They’re all getting along amazingly well, and they have a grand time romping in the backyard together. Now if we could just get the newest addition housebroken!
Anyway, here are some pictures taken this summer of the kids and our pets. Enjoy!
The kids
Oh, my babies have grown this summer. Other than the 6-month stint at a newspaper when Gabriel was 2 and Mikaela was not quite 1, this summer was the first time I’ve been away from them for any length of time each day. In a way it was a welcome break from the monotony of dirty dishes, whining and sibling rivalry; in another way, I felt like a part of me withered as I know we are turning a page in my children’s lives and I can’t go back and edit the previous pages ever again. As much as I believe in homeschooling, I’m not sure it was the best choice for us for many different reasons, the biggest one being that we absolutely have to have a second income to make ends meet. I have nothing but respect for moms who do homeschool, though, and I have more than a little wistful feeling that I wish it had worked out.
The school the kids are at this year, they are already familar with: it’s the same place as the daycare they went to all summer. It’s a small, private (Christian) facility that provides pre-K through first grade – as well as after-school care. The class sizes are wonderfully small and their teacher has 30 years of experience and the sweetest disposition. I’m really excited and have a good feeling about this year.
I actually went up to the school to talk to the kids’ teacher yesterday, to give her a bit of background on both of my kids. I told her about Gabriel’s disabilities and diagnoses, but that he has come an awfully long way. I asked her to help me help her to help him. (got that?) I want her to tell me the things he needs extra help in throughout the year so he doesn’t fall behind.
And I told her about Mikaela: she catches on to things quickly but can be really lazy! I hate seeing that in her personality and want to know how to get rid of it. For instance, when I read a book to her, I stop to let her sound words out, for her to almost always say: “no, mama, YOU read it.” Of course, that’s one example of many. If she can con someone into doing almost any job for her, she will do it. I can’t tell you how often I ask her to do something, to have her try to delegate it to Gabriel. Or often she’ll tell someone who doesn’t know any better that she “can’t” do something or “doesn’t know how.” She pulls this with her dad pretty often. She was demanding that he buckle her into her carseat well after she knew how, saying, “Papa, I can’t do it!”
The conniving shows that she’s pretty smart, but it’s obviously not good! She has her good qualities, too, and she can be an absolute sweetheart when she wants to be. (We’re working on encouraging that. )
Both kids are sounding words out and trying to write. They need some help still but I love to see that they’re progressing. Both kids but especially Gabriel loves playing with those alphabet magnets, and he’ll spell out all kinds of words, asking us to see if he spelled it right. We were pleasantly surprised when Gabriel sounded “Puzzle” out correctly the other day. I’d put a lot of effort in trying to teach the kids to read, and teaching them phonics, this last year but it seemed like a lot wasn’t sticking. Well, maybe it just took a while to soak in.
My how summer flew by!
How is the summer over? I didn’t get a summer … I had my nose in a book!
I finished my two summer semesters wherein I took 4 classes; I made A’s in all of them. Anatomy & Physiology I and II nearly killed me, but somehow I survived it.
I met a lot of interesting people in my anatomy classes. We had an awful lot of study groups and we spent many, many hours together. The people I studied with included two 18-year-olds girls fresh out of high school, a 27-year-old single mom and a 38-year-old Iraq veteran. Quite an eclectic group. It’s amazing how well you can get to know people in a short period of time … but when you’re spending many hours a day most days studying together – it happens!
So here I am about to start my fall semester Monday, the same day both of my kids start KINDERGARTEN. Weren’t they just born? How is this possible?
So anyway, in addition to all 3 of us going to school on Monday, I’ve got several irons in the fire job-wise. Two different departments at the school are interested in me doing some work for them (through the work-study program, which I really know nothing about), and one other thing that I can’t really mention yet. Don’t want to be presumptuous.
This summer has been a hard one. Aside from my excruciatingly hard classes, we had a lot of sickness – from bronchitis to stomach bugs. I guess that’s to be expected, since this was Mikaela’s first-ever daycare experience. Come on, immunity … build yourself up!
The summer was also full of other stressors and impossible situations, so much so that I really feel like our family is under attack. Why, I don’t know … we’re not particularly doing a whole lot ‘for the kingdom’ at the moment. I guess the enemy is always seeking to harm, even when you wouldn’t expect it. So if you get a chance … please say a prayer this pattern will stop!
I would apologize again for being a blogging slacker, but honestly – I don’t need any more guilt. I feel guilty about things I shouldn’t feel guilty about, that’s just a negative part of my personality … so I’m not adding this blog to the list of things to fret over. No offense.
So, yeah … the summer is gone (well, in theory – it’s still as hot as hell here in TX) and we did pretty much nothing fun. I’m hoping I can sneak in a trip to the beach with Jay and the kids sometime in the next couple of months. I’m sure we’ll have to see how my job schedule works out first though.
