Hillsong From The Inside Out

My prayer ….

Fall continues to fly by. My classes are going well, I’m still working a part-time job at the school and looking for other work, and the kids are enjoying their respective schools. I often feel like I’m in a day-in, day-out rut of laundry, dishes, homework and driving places (wash, rinse, repeat) … but I’ve been purposefully stopping more often lately to marvel at how much God has blessed us with.

Honestly, times look pretty bleak. We can’t make ends meet month in and month out, and my job search keeps coming up fruitless. But God keeps blessing us left and right, keeping us afloat. I know God has a plan for our family, and I’m not going to stop believing that. It’s hard not to get discouraged sometimes, though – but I always snap out of it by praying for peace and thinking of all the many good things we DO have.

The biggest blessing being our precious children (precious to US, anyway). They are at such a wonderful age. There are plenty of frustrations with sassing and sibling rivalry, but their wit and creativity keeps us smiling each day. I stop frequently and marvel at how much they’ve learned and grown. This past week, Gabriel sounded out and wrote down the word “Pokemon.” His teacher at school, as well as his speech therapist, say he is progressing well. He is in the category of “emergent reader” now – reading slowly and haltingly, still needing help – but giving it a really good effort! He’s actually ahead of Mikaela in this now (I thought she’d pick up reading quickly) – she too often tries to guess the word instead of sounding it out.

Also this week, Mikaela informed us that she wanted me to go to the grocery store and buy her some “Pink Lady” apples. All of a sudden, she knows all about apple varieties. They must’ve discussed them at school.

This fall here in central TX has been delightfully cool, and we’ve gotten plenty of much-needed rain for our parched region. My sinuses and lungs have already given me what-for, so hopefully I’ll be healthy the rest of the season. I often miss enjoying fall events because of bronchitis. Maybe the allergy meds are working this year. Or perhaps I’ve built up an immunity.

So, this weekend I think I’m taking the kids to a pumpkin patch. I’ve been wanting to go to one for … oh, ever since the kids were born?

Gabriel went to a semi-patch on a school field trip last year. It was actually more like a pile of pumpkins on a few crates outside of a church … not exactly a true pumpkin patch. And he was having trouble smiling that day, so my pictures aren’t the greatest.

Speaking of Gabriel, he likes his new school. The teacher seems truly concerned for him, but the jury’s still out on her in general. She seems very brusque and businesslike. I’d much prefer for my kids to have teachers with warm, friendly personalities … but if she turns out to be a great teacher, I guess I’ll get over it. I know I’m highly critical of my kids’ teachers … but they’re taking care of my precious children, can you blame me?

Mikaela is also doing well in kindergarten at her school. Her teacher says she’s doing just as well as the other students (and better than some), who are a year older than her. What stinks is that she’ll likely have to repeat kindergarten next year. It seems no other schools are keen on the idea of accepting a younger student early, and since the school she’s going to now is not accredited, in essence, this year doesn’t count. Bummer.

We’ll have the new elementary school built by next year, and it’s right down the street from us. I’m assuming, unless I have a fabulous, well-paying job by then, that the kids will both be there.

Speaking of jobs (don’t you love my segues?), I’m still on the hunt. It’s brutal out there. I’m trying to write really catchy cover letters, but I can’t ever seem to get past the 2nd interview. Ugh. Say a prayer for me about that if you think of it …

So I’m midway through my fall semester at the college I go to. I’m taking microbiology, statistics and lifespan/human growth and development (a psychology course). I have A’s in micro and psych … let’s not talk about statistics. Well, I’m doing okay … just not quite at an “A” level. :/

I’ve been busy with that and my part-time anatomy lab aide job at the school; I’ve also been desperately looking for another job, to no avail. I can’t understand why I can’t seem to find work; I’ve been looking for a long, long time. I get an interview here or there, and even second interviews, but I can’t seem to close the deal. I think I interview really well, too … but I just apparently keep coming in second. Can I even tell you how frustrated I am?

I can’t even find work at Wal-mart or Target. I’ve applied all over the place. Please, if you’re the praying type, pray something turns up soon.

Anyway, unfortunately, my lack-of-a-job forced me to pull Gabriel out of the private school he was going to and put him back in public. At least he’ll get free speech therapy there, and I’ve heard really good things about his teacher. But it’s still a bit heartbreaking to have to make a decision like that.

After this first week, Gabriel really seems to like it, so I’m feeling somewhat better. Mikaela is still at a private school because she is still too young to attend public. She is doing really well and keeping up with her classmates, who are a year older than her.

We are wading into the homework years with both kids, so our afternoons and evenings are abuzz with their homework, my homework, and getting things ready for the next day. How do people fit in lessons and other activities?!?

Sorry I don’t have anything more interesting to say. My days are long and I’m tired and more than a little emotionally weary. Hopefully things will look up soon …

I did NOT go to the ER the other night with a 103-degree fever, dressed in my pj’s, black non-skid footwarmers and brown suede clogs. And further I did NOT decide, after my chest x-ray, to return home sans bra because I was so tired. Nooooo … not me. Nope. Innocent, I swear.

Both kids have bronchitis and fevers. Today, sniffling through a 102-degree temperature and cough and looking quite pitiful, Mikaela asked: “Mama, can I go ride my tricycle?”

I replied, “No, baby, not today – you’re sick. Why don’t you go play in your room?”

Mikaela: “I don’t feel like it. I’m too sick.”

In the tradition of other bloggers, I will join in for “Not Me!” Monday.

“Not Me!” Monday is all about something that you did NOT do. Noooooo … not you. Get it?

So. Today, I was schlepping all around campus, trying to track down the person to whom I give my timesheet, when nature called. Must’ve been the liter of Coke. Anyway, before making my next stop, I popped into the restroom in the computer lab. It reminded me of my elementary school’s restroom, complete with the small tile with nasty-looking grout. I proceeded into a stall and was face-to-face with what was surely the nastiest toilet on campus. So, I proceeded to … um … hover. Let’s just say I did NOT somehow magically miss the toilet and pee on my flip-flop-shodden foot. NO, not me.

And further, this is NOT the very same toilet I accidentally fell onto once after attempting to hover while wearing a 35-pound backpack on my back (because, ugh, it wasn’t going on that nasty floor). No, not me.

And later upon returning home and recounting this tale that did NOT happen to my loving spouse, did he NOT chime in and exclaim that he’d peed on his foot today too!

Apparently the Plemons need target practice. Or, uh, NOT.

So, the kids are both in kindergarten this year, I’m sure I’ve mentioned. They’re attending a private school and boy is my pocketbook hurting! But the kids seem to be doing great.

They’re using the ABeka Christian curriculum, the same that I grew up using. I love it. Right now they’re working on their handwriting and bringing home homework to practice. Oh, boy that’s like pulling teeth. Slowly but surely they’re getting it, though.

The teacher stopped me the other day when I was on my way out the door to tell me how well my kids were doing and that Mikaela was doing just fine in Kindergarten (she’s 4 but they allowed her to start on K early), and that Gabriel was doing a good job also. That made my heart happy. At least if I can’t teach them myself, they’re in a good, nurturing Christian school with a very small class size and a veteran teacher. I’d love to homeschool again sometime in the future, if only our finances would allow me to do so. I guess we’ll see how that pans out.

I am a lab aide in my school’s anatomy lab. My job is to make sure the students don’t steal our lab models and charts, as well as answer any questions the students may have. That is ALL. But some of the students don’t seem to get that. Here’s a conversation with a woman I had today:

mid-40s woman, heaving backpack onto floor in front of me: so-and-so said you were a tutor and that I could come see you and that you would tutor me.

Me: I’m a lab aide. I can answer any questions that you might have.

Woman: well, I was told that you would help me.

Me: I can’t help you until I know what you’re having issues with.

Woman: Well, I have an antatomy and physiology test Monday.

Me: ….

Woman: You know our professor, Mr. so-and-so? He told me to print off the power point and study it.

Me: I’m not familiar with that professor. What exactly is it you’re having problems with?

Woman: Well, I was told to come hear and you’d tutor me for this test.

Me: Have you studied at all?

Woman: I read it but I can’t understand it.

Me: Well, I can’t help you unless you have specific questions.

Woman: Well, I guess I’m unclear about what your role is here (didn’t I just tell her?!?).

In other words, the woman was coming in to the anatomy lab for the very first time 3 days before her test and wanting me to teach her everything she needed to know. Seriously? How about studying like everybody else? She acted all huffy with me the entire time. The gall of some people!

Years ago, when Jay and I were living with his sister and brother-in-law in their apartment in Franklin, TN, I was growing very discontent. I was so tired of being so broke all the time. We applied for more jobs than you could count – and we did have jobs already, but they didn’t pay very well. I cried out to God, asking Him to speak to me clearly. I asked Him, specifically, to “draw me a picture” since I often have such a hard time knowing for sure if I’ve heard from Him or not. Over the next few days I found a certain Bible passage everywhere I looked – Jeremiah 29:11-13:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I mean, that verse was EVERYWHERE. I saw it on bumper stickers, hanging on my sister-in-law’s fridge, I opened my Bible right to it, my sister emailed it to me … again and again and again, I saw the same passage. Way too many times to be a coincidence.

Fast forward to today. I still see this verse often. But we are still struggling and I’ve gotten really frustrated again. I’ve grown tired of waiting for Jay’s employer to pay him what I think he deserves (and what we need to make ends meet). So instead of staying at home with the kids where I really want to be, I’ve decided to follow my ’second’ dream – a nursing career.

I started taking classes this summer and have been working like a mad woman, earning A’s in all of my classes.

I’ve been really frustrated over the timing of getting my nursing degree, though. I finished my last pre-requisite for my current college’s nursing program in July, just after the cut-off for applying for this year’s nursing program. I tried to convince them to admit me, but they refused. I missed it by just a few weeks and just one class. The next opportunity to enter their nursing program won’t be until fall of 2010.

I was also looking at Texas Tech and the University of Texas as nursing schools. Texas Tech had told me earlier this year I could take pathophysiology after I entered their nursing program; when I talked to the director of Tech’s nursing program on the phone yesterday, she said that was not true – I have to have this class before applying. The application process runs from September to November; there’s no way I can take Pathophysiology before then. So, I found out yesterday Tech was out (for this year, anyway).

And UT’s alternate-entry master’s of science in nursing program – I was really interested in that, even  moreso than the other schools. It’s a 3-year program, but I would graduate with a much better degree. Up until this last week or so, their web site said that you could work on  your prerequisites until the time you actually started their program (next summer); when I went to their Web site yesterday, this had been changed. Now they want you to have all of your prereq’s by Jan. 5th.

As I read this final bit of bad news yesterday, I almost broke down and cried. And I am NOT a crier. WHY do I keep getting so close and then not making it? I am not getting any younger, and we have more bills than we do income, and I just want to hurry up and get my degree! This means I have to wait another year to even begin a 2- or 3-year program. I’ll be at least 34 when I graduate. And more importantly, that could mean 3-4 more years of living hand-to-mouth. It’s just more than I can handle. I’ve been working SO hard on my studies, and this just felt like a slap in the face.

So, I grumped around all last night and into today. I prayed and asked God what in the world He was trying to tell me, and said, “I really need to hear from you! (please)”

I sat down at the computer and brought this devotion up:

DEVOTION

Blessed Beings

By Gene Markland
CBN Staff Writer

CBN.com -- Move, get, go, and do! Life can be like a drill sergeant screaming in your ear. “Alright (insert your name here), go, go, go!” A man once said, “We’re human beings, not human doings.” So often we find ourselves in a never-ending frustrating rut of doing. We forget the importance of just being whom we are, the unique individual made by God. He made us first and foremost to be, not to do.

Jesus said, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48 KJV).

We struggle to do things in order to get what we want in life. We push ourselves to do anything in order to please God, when what He really wants is not so much what we do for Him, but what we are to Him. One of the greatest lessons Lord Jesus ever taught me was just to be. This is more important to Him than anything I’ll ever do for Him.

I asked Him to sanctify me by His blood, to plunge the depths of my inner being, and clean the deep recesses of my spirit, soul, and body. Though I had the assurance of my salvation, He showed me that my soul, like a room swept clean, still had some cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling. The Holy Spirit, who searches the deep things, shone a light in those dark corners exposing some lingering stuff. With the broom of the Holy Spirit we dealt with them and I became a clean pot, a vessel fit for the Lord’s use.

I learned to focus my efforts on being a clean pot, and then He could use me and perform the “doing” through me. I’m the being and He’s the doing. I knew a man who was constantly striving to push himself on people. He went overboard trying to impress the ladies. His focus was doing his best, not being his best. Ultimately he would push them away. The lesson he needed to learn was to be the best that you can be, then they will see and not flee.

Sure, it’s good to have goals in life, but do not fail to appreciate and enjoy who you are and what you have right now. Your life here and now is incredibly important! Don’t worry so much about tomorrow. “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34 TM). Tomorrow will take care of itself.

The Apostle Paul said to be content in whatever state you’re in. “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am” (Philippians 4:11-14 TM).

Enjoy the incredible gift that is today. God wonderfully made you. In the Bible, He states that He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. He knows the desire of your heart. He had a part in putting it there. What He began in you He will fulfill. You might not be able to see it right now, but that doesn’t change His word. Be patient and stand. You will see the salvation of the Lord.

Whether you need deliverance from a bad situation or just want your dream of a happy life to come true, remember that our God is the biggest dreamer of all. He dreamed up everything that exists in the universe, including you. He wants His dream for you to come true as much as you do. When we embrace His dreams for us, and submit our dreams to his will, we find the contentment that the Apostle Paul wrote about, and God’s peace that passes understanding. Have faith in God for you are a blessed being.