Five years – or even three years ago, if you’d told me I would have graduated from an accelerated nursing program with honors, I probably would have laughed at you. Historically, I’ve had very little confidence in myself. My career drought between working full-time as a journalist and starting nursing school eroded what little confidence I had. But God … He can do great and mighty things.

I searched for God’s will for my life, including the “right” career plans, for years. I nearly drove myself crazy praying and seeking and job-hunting. I told God I would do ANYTHING, if He’d just give me some direction. Around that time, I prayed specifically for God to be really overly obvious when He spoke to me, because I always question whether I’m hearing from Him or not. I specifically asked God to “paint me a picture.”

Well, God – He has a sense of humor. He painted me a picture for sure. Jeremiah 29:11-13 was everywhere. Have you ever seen the movie “The Number 23″ with Jim Carrey? Yeah, I’m not kidding. That verse popped up on refrigerator magnets, on bumper stickers, in songs, people sent it to me in emails … I even opened my Bible right to it once. It went on and on, WAY too many instances to have been coincidence. During my long job drought, He was saying ‘wait … I’ve got big plans, just wait.’

Starting a new career in nursing kept popping into my head. I kept thinking, NO WAY. Me? Nope. I can’t. I’m not smart enough. I have two kids. I can’t do it. But somehow God melted the doubts. I edged my toe tentatively and nervously forward, and the obstacles dropped like dominoes. My car blew up and a friend’s father’s charity gave me a new(er) one and let me pay him “when I could.” A wonderful daycare kept my kids for over a month for free until my student loan money came in. Things like that just DON’T happen everyday. Unless God ordains them.

And the fact that God opened up my old, tired, kid-scrambled brain and helped me understand all these new concepts – even to the point of graduating Magna Cum Laude … y’all, that is the biggest miracle of all. Don’t doubt what God can do. I will take none of the credit. I did work hard, but He gave me the strength to press on. He gave me the family support and encouragement that I needed. I could go on forever … there’s too many “small” miracles to count.

Now I’m wondering where we’re going next. I hope God can use me to touch people’s lives. I am so humbled and blessed that I had this opportunity, I can’t even really articulate it. I just hope I can “give back.” (Not that I could ever even remotely match God’s giving, but I want to do all that I can.)

So if the road you’re on is long and dark and bleak, don’t despair. I learned many very valuable lessons by going without. And listen to that little voice in your head … maybe God is planting the seeds of something wonderful.

Well it’s been quite a while since I updated on Gabriel. I’ve gotten busy going back to school and have just graduated with a bachelor’s in nursing.

Gabriel is doing well in most areas. He is now 8 years old and in the 2nd grade. In school, he’s very good at reading and spelling and is reading 60+ page chapter books up to the 4th grade level by himself. He is doing somewhat OK on math, unless the test is timed. Addition/subtraction drills shut him down. He’s come home recently with 20s and 40s for grades on math drills. He is very perfectionistic and slow-moving in every area and no matter what you CANNOT get him to hurry. Naturally, this doesn’t lend itself to stellar grades on timed math drills (100 questions in 5 minutes). I want him to learn what he needs to but I honestly don’t know what the point of these timed drills are. Have you ever, in the real world, had to answer 100 math questions in 5 minutes? I didn’t think so. I broached this subject with his teacher and asked if he couldn’t do the test without time constraints, especially given his individual education plan (IEP) in place. The teacher said no, that this test checks for fluency. Hmph. 

With reading comprehension, his work is really hit or miss. I see 100s and I see 70s. I know he is trying hard, so that makes me feel good. His teacher tells me that he’s the hardest worker in the class. I still sometimes get the feeling that his public school minimizes his problems so they don’t have to provide him extra services on their dime, but THAT’S another post for another day.

Socially he is doing better, at least as far as I know. His teacher has mentioned that he “helps her” keep track of when the other students are out of line. I rolled my eyes and told Gabriel that no one likes a tattle tale. He retorted that his teacher does. Good grief. He may not be Mr. Popular at school, but he has a good group of church friends that I can more readily see him interacting with, and he seems to get along nicely with them. He has developed a tendency to act like a clown to make people laugh, which I’m trying to quash. Case in point: last week in Sunday school, he sucked on a candy cane until it was nice and wet and sticky, and then painted his take-home coloring page with it. The kids thought it was funny but I’m sure the teacher wasn’t amused. Oh, brother.

Gabriel is still a rigid rule-follower (hello, perfectionism) and tries to make sure the rules are enforced, even if he has to do the enforcing (when an adult is out of the room or not paying attention). His mischievous little sister is his prime target. Afternoons in my house consist of Gabriel telling Mikaela what to do and Mikaela screaming at him. I’ve honestly been preoccupied for the last year with an accelerated nursing program so I’ve been letting them “solve” a lot of their own problems. Not sure how well that’s worked out, really. But I take my board exam Monday so I will soon be able to give them my attention again. I’ll have them whipped back into shape in no time. LOL. I digress.

Re: Gabriel’s other issues and where we’re at with them:

• Fine motor: vastly improved but still working on it. He can’t get the hang of tying his shoes or holding a taco correctly. His handwriting is beautiful, though – and he’s very good at building with Legos.
• Gross motor: he still can’t mimic an action when you demonstrate it very well. He’s not very athletic but has gotten very tech-savvy. I would like him to be involved in sports at some point, but I don’t want to subject him to mockery by his peers if he’s not good at it. Sigh.
• Sensory integration disorder: The latest thing is his hair. Well, I guess he’s had that one for a while. But if you touch his hair or brush it – even very gently – back out of his eyes, his eyes will water and he says you’re hurting his eyes by touching his hair. I’m trying to think – I know there are other little things, but when you live with someone for so long you just get used to overlooking the small eccentricities. Food is still an issue, and if you try to press him to eat certain foods, he will gag. It’s a texture thing for him.
• OCD tendencies: Gabriel still tries to straighten items on grocery store shelves when we’re there, or will touch all the tags lining the shelves. He is very thorough in his hand washing to the point of making them bleed, and takes a very long time brushing his teeth. I know there are other things, but like I said above, you eventually get used to things and don’t even think about them as being abnormal. I haven’t seen the spinning in circles on his knees nearly as much lately. Thank God … he was blowing through jeans like there was no tomorrow.
• Auditory processing: this is still an ongoing issue. We’ve learned coping mechanisms, though, and we have it in Gabriel’s IEP at school for the teacher to check with him to make sure he understands verbal instructions. Now that he’s reading well, this is another good way for him to cope with this problem. We’ve learned that if the TV is on, you can forget talking to him. You have to tell him to turn it off or on mute. We limit all media time to one hour a day, so that’s helped. One of the biggest things with him, and this may be more along the line of ADD than auditory processing: we have to call his name and get his attention, making eye contact with him before starting to talk to him.

Gabriel has an interest in art, technology and filmmaking. He’s obsessed with Star Wars and George Lucas. He’s also gotten very tech-savvy and is good at computer and wii games. I am encouraging his interests wholeheartedly. It thrills me to see him so excited about things. He has shown promise as an artist, and already knows how to draw a picture with the proper perspective (ie, some things look near and others far away).

The best thing about Gabriel is his love for God. His spiritual depth and knowledge astounds me. I love to hear him pray. I have my husband to thank for my childrens’ spiritual development – not that I haven’t had a hand in it at all – but my husband has really done a great thing by praying with them nightly and reading them scripture and answering their questions.

Gabriel has a sweet, kind, empathetic heart and thinks of others first (as long as we’re not talking about his sister …. LOL). I’m excited about his future and I know God has big plans for him.

I’m pretty sure this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. This year I’ve done 3 semesters of 22-24 hours of nursing classes, plus 24 hours a week in our “main” clinical PLUS specialty clinical rotations on top of that. I think I squeezed a couple of hours of sleep in there somewhere.

But now that I’m within spitting distance of the finish line … I’m SO glad I went this route. And I’ll have a BSN to boot. I plan to get my master’s degree at some point, but I have to find my nursing specialty niche first.

I would have never done it without major, major support from my husband, kids and extended family. My husband … God bless him. He’s done a lot of dishes, laundry, house cleaning, homework, cooking and general tending of the kids. And he’s done a really good job at it.

My kids are ready for me to be done, especially Mikaela. It breaks my heart every time she tells me she misses me or asks me to play (and I have to say, “no, I have to study.”). I want to take them to Disney next year to say “thank you” for sacrificing Mommy for a year. Or maybe to make up for my guilt. I still think it (going to nursing school) was the right thing to do, and I know we’ll all be better for it in the long run, but God, was it ever hard.

People that went through this accelerated program last year told me that everyone has a breakdown at some point. Mine hasn’t come yet, but I have a tendency to have a level head in a crisis and fall apart later. I may just take my NCLEX (the nursing board licensure exam I have to pass to earn my license), then go sit in my car and cry.

If you are considering attending an accelerated nursing program, especially if you have kids, feel free to email me and ask questions. I can give you info on Texas Tech’s one-year, web-based, BS-to-BSN program as well, if you’re interested in that. You can reach me at jayandmelanie AT hotmail D0T com.

Love. Has there ever been a word like it? It evokes so many feelings and holds so many different meanings. Love is a mother tenderly kissing her newborn. Love is the elderly couple strolling through the park hand-in-hand.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. But it occured to me today that it should probably keep a record of ‘rights.’

If we can choose to love, we can choose to remember the good or bad about the one we love. Which one is more productive?

It’s easy to choose to find things wrong with someone. We’re flawed humans; you shouldn’t have to look very long to find a fault. We’re full of them.

But to find the good in someone – those gems, even if unpolished – that takes a little more effort. The rewards of that effort will grow your character, build your loved one’s confidence, and encourage those around you.

Oh, and if you’re grossed out easily … go and find some nice fluff to read.

Anybody left? Okay, then.

So, nursing school. How do I even start? I’m in an accelerated program and took 21 hours this semester. It was as hard as hell, beyond exhausting, and I feel like I only made it through by God’s grace and an amazing husband. At the same time … I’ve fallen in love. Part of me wishes I’d done this years ago, but honestly – I think I wouldn’t have been ready yet. It’s taken me a few years to grow a spine.

My major disappointment so far with nursing is the hospitals’ constant preoccupation with the bottom line. I know that sound naive. But for crying out loud, unless people KNOW that they have to advocate for themselves … I feel like more often than not, they’re getting screwed out of the best care they could get. Maybe that’s not everywhere. But it’s disheartening. An example was the manager of a labor & delivery unit telling a nurse to “turn up the G-D pitocin and get that baby out” so they could turn the room over. That may be an extreme example, but it made me nauseous to hear it. For God’s sake, if I’m ever to that point, where patient care is expected to be compromised due to the business model I’m going to find myself another place to work. Sheesh.

Another thing I’ve observed that’s given me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is the staff’s general attitudes towards the homeless and indigent. They may be seeking drugs … but if you take the time and actually talk to them you can see WHY they’re in such sad shape – war vets, lost loved ones, etc. I hate stereotypes. I don’t ever want to be jaded like that. There but for the grace of God go I …

I’ve had lots of great experiences, though – from watching births to holding babies, teaching patients how to use an incentive spirometer to ambulating post-op patients around the halls. I’ve had over 200 hours of clinicals now and I’m starting to get more comfortable with the routine. I still need practice starting IV fluids (although I can hang a piggyback pretty quickly if primary fluids are already running). But I feel like I have most of the “basics” down.

The most unusual thing I saw this semester: an autopsy. It didn’t scare me or make me barf … it really just made me sad. Let’s just say: use your seatbelts, kids. :/

I guess I can’t really sum up my entire semester in a single post. I guess I’ll have to post more later.

He isn’t nearly as forthcoming with conversation as he was when he was younger. Getting a decent response to “tell me what you did at school today?” is like pulling teeth. He has gotten very good at video games on the computer, iPhone & Wii. His current favorite is Lego Star Wars (Wii). I have to limit his video game time, he’d do it all day if I let him. He cracks me up with his tech savviness. He can open Jay’s laptop, press Ctrl/Alt/Delete to bring up the logon, enter the password, and log on to the internet. We’ve had to ban Google (I shudder at the thought of where some of their misspelled search terms could take them) and make sure he only goes to the kid-friendly sites saved in the “favorites” bar.

Gabriel has had a good school year. He is a good speller, a great reader, and fairly good at math as well. He still likes to draw and enjoys making books and comic books. His speech has improved steadily, but I wonder if I wasn’t so consumed with this accelerated nursing program how much better he *could* have been. Sigh, cue the maternal self-imposed guilt trip.

Oh, and he’s now riding his bike without training wheels. He’s ALSO going through a crazy growth-spurt and eating me out of house and home! Recent meal examples: 13 chicken nuggets at one sitting, 1 whole medium pizza, 2 salami sandwiches (and then asked for more). And he’s skinny as a rail! I envy that metabolism!

Mikaela has had a good year, she’s doing well academically too. She’s recently perfected her cartwheel. She loves to color, loves to play school with her stuffed animals (I heard her address them today as “gentlemen and fellas” .. ha!), and likes playing with her Littlest Pet Shop figures. We’ve recently cut cable off, but she can still access some of her favorite shows on Netfilx (streaming through the Wii): Mortified, iCarly and Shaun the Sheep. She never was one for cartoons … she likes shows with “actual” people. Well, Shaun the Sheep is an exception. That show is so darn cute. And witty.

My favorite thing about the kids is that they love our church and love our nightly family prayer time. They remind us that it’s time to pray every night. Sometimes it’s been hard to pause (this year we have felt like everything is on fast-forward – there’s just not enough hours in the day) but it’s been a great discipline for all of us.

Eleven years ago today (5/13) I married Jay. Twelve years ago next week, we met in a bowling class.

Eight years ago, I was pregnant with Gabriel. Seven years ago, I was pregnant with Mikaela.

It’s amazing what a difference a few years can make, huh?

TODAY, I have a 7 1/2-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl, a dog, and a cat – and one amazing husband. We have lived in our home for almost 4 years. After years in the publishing industry, I’m now headed down the path to a nursing degree.

I guess if I could go back and change anything about the past years, I would not worry so much about anything and everything. God has always taken care of us and continues to do so – no thanks to my nail-biting.

So, all of last year (Jan.-Dec. 2010), I worked in a full-time clerical position in the neonatal intensive care (NICU) of a major regional hospital. I learned a lot about medical terminology, lab tests, HIPAA (privacy rules) and much more. At the same time, I finished up my prerequisites for nursing school and applied to Texas Tech’s Second-Degree web-based BS-to-BSN program. It’s a yearlong accelerated program with classes online, a one-on-one clinical coach here locally, and periodic clinical training sessions at a local hospital in Austin. I was fortunate (blessed!) enough to get in, and I started the program Jan. 2011.

It’s CRAZY. I am eating, sleeping & breathing nursing school, but I’ll have my BSN in a year (Lord willin’ and creek don’t rise!). It’s been hard on me emotionally, physically and spiritually. Jay has pretty much been doing all the cleaning and the lion’s share of the parenting. Thank God he’s such an amazing dad and husband … I could have NEVER done this program without him.

My typical week, if there is such a thing, is 3 days of 8-hour clinicals and 4 days of studying dawn ’till dusk. Rinse and repeat weekly until Dec. 17.

My kids are growing like weeds. Gabriel’s lost something like 8 baby teeth now and all but 1 of them have been replaced by permanent teeth. Gabriel is now 7 and doing very well in school. He’s a little behind on problem solving and abstract thought but doing exceptionally well in reading and math. His speech is coming along well. Just this week he learned to ride his bike with the training wheels off. He’s going through a bit of a difficult stage and can give us some attitude sometimes … but I’ve had to give him (and Mikaela as well) some grace considering how crazy busy we all are this year. It was inevitable that we’d frequently be stressed and grumpy.

Mikaela has recently lost a tooth of her own, and I think a second one is soon to follow. She just turned 6 a month ago. She’s still really small for her age. She’s doing really well in kindergarten; her teacher told me recently that she’s in her top reading group.

My kids are at a funny age. They say things that make us laugh every day. The sibling rivalry is about to drive us nuts, though. Oh, man … it’s constant! Gabriel got into trouble in the very short half-mile drive from school to home the other day, for telling Mikaela to “shut up.” Ugh! She’s the same way, though.

I’m having to remind myself frequently in all my craziness to stop and pray, to stop and listen to my kids, to stop and tell my husband how much I appreciate him. This is so hard for all of us, but I’m trusting that God wouldn’t have led me down this path if He wasn’t going to get me across the finish line.

Balancing a job, a class (pathophysiology), being involved in our church and with my family – it’s been a real challenge. I’ve been switching back and forth between various shifts during my training and our newest employee’s training, so I’m pretty exhausted. But thank you Jesus, we can finally pay our bills. It’s still tight because we’re having to keep Mikaela in a private school this year (she’s still too young for public school). But that will change soon enough.

My babies sure are growing up. Mikaela is 5 now and growing like a weed (she’s still little, though). Gabriel has grown a TON – I’m pretty sure he’s tall for his age. He lost his second tooth last week. This one was on the bottom as well. Both kids are doing well in school, especially with reading. Gabriel has really surprised me at how he’s just taken off with it. But they are both definitely progressing well through the kindergarten material.

Our cat, Buttercup had kittens a few weeks ago. 3 gray ones and 2 orange ones; we don’t know the genders yet. I am planning on “selling” them (charging a rehoming fee) on craigslist, although Jay thinks I won’t have any success. I guess we’ll see.

In church news, Jay is really involved playing drums for the praise & worship team, and also teaching Bible study each week. I’ve had to miss multiple Bible studies because of my crazy hours at work, which has been a bummer. I wanted to partner with Jay in this effort – I know I called it Bible study (and it is), but it’s more of a ‘community group’ (aka “home group,” “kinship”, et al), where we’re actively being involved praying and caring for others in our group. I’m so proud of Jay … he’s grown and matured spiritually SO much. I could totally see him being in the ministry some day.

Here’s some photos to catch you up:

Here is this year’s picture:

And here is Jan. 2009′s picture and Dec. 31, 2007′s picture.